graveside, with Navy Honors (UPDATED Dec.10)

I hadn't slept at all the night before dad's Funeral; I came downstairs at 6:45am and began to talk to my sister Karen in a very low, direct voice - I was not upset at her, but I was letting her know that I was going to handle Dad's appearance issue with the Funeral Director personally within the hour, and she knew I was going to be verbally forcefull, alarmingly direct, and didn't want things to have the chance to go beyond that.

I spoke low & clear (I can not recall in recent memory when I was that angry and used that tone of voice to anyone), and told my sister that I was going down to the Funeral Home in an hour, and that I was going to put Bill my security person on the front door, and that place would go into 'lockdown' - no one would be let inside until the Funeral Director made my Father's appearance acceptable.
(Bill is a very good friend, and was a part of my Security crew in the early 90's, and is currently a Master SGT. in the National Guard, a Veteran of 2 Tours of Duty in Iraq)

I told my sister "...I don't care if he has to use an electric car buffer to get that shit off Dad's face - I don't give a shit if Limos & people are waiting - he's on MY time clock & WE are paying the bill here - so that place is CLOSED until he corrects this fuck up, and I will personally supervise this happens asap..."

The anger was eating me up inside, and my sister saw that (she is SO much smarter then I am) so she decided to avoid the confrontation & told me she would go ahead of me and make it happen, as I wished.

Thank you Karen for protecting your older brother - she went ahead of me and I didn't need to make trouble for anyone; I sincerely didn't want to.

Later at the Funeral Home they did what they could; I stayed angry as not all that morbid paint-like goop was able to be removed from my Father's face, and that anger continued to eat me up inside for the next 2 days.

I have since let all that anger go away; what's done is done and I can do nothing about it now, but I will not let that stand in the way of my grief, and it has been doing that since the Wake - so enough is enough; it's all gone now.

I take the blame for all that myself, as I wasn't able to communicate clearly enough to the Funeral Home, since I'd just woken up after a 20hr. flight back to the USA - it's just that our Family had dealt with this vendor before with satisfactory results, and I did not think we'd have any problems this time.

People, when it's time to deal with vendors in the Funeral business, please be CRYSTAL CLEAR with them about your requirements; schedule a meeting and speak slowly & clearly to them about what you need, and moreover, what is not acceptable to you.

If you are not in the correct mindset to speak to them, bring a close Family friend or spokesperson who can act on your behalf - tell them what you want & have them repeat your requests back to you, so there is no confusion.
....put it writing for them if you feel you need to, and let them know that since you are paying the bill, you may choose to stop in during the work to supervise, and you WILL be accommodated in this regard, or you will simply choose another vendor.

I accepted the American Flag from the 2 young enlisted men who stood by Dad's casket, who told me: "...On behalf of a grateful Nation..."

Upon receiving the Flag, I looked that young man in the eye and said "Thank You, Soldier...GO NAVY"...and I smiled a little smile.

I stayed behind at graveside after the limos had left with my Family - I didn't tell anyone about my plans and my sister went ahead to the planned gathering at a local restaurant, but she did send a car for me a little while later - I wanted to stay with the casket until it was in the ground, and I did.

I looked after my Father until right to the very end - I was delayed in getting back from Philippines and missed him when he died (I'm dealing with trying to reconsile that now), so I wanted to be there at the cemetary with him after everyone had left.

Am I my Father's Keeper?
...actually, yes I am.

...and I said so during his Eulogy.

I am my Father's Keeper, I am my Brothers Keeper (he died in 1983) and I am my Mother's Keeper (Mom died in 2003 & I was in Philippines for my first trip there within 4 weeks after her passing)

I'm not angry anymore; just grieving...and I'll be ok.

Thank you for reading today, and on behalf of my Family, Thank You for all your kind and encouraging emails.

God Bless.
PJAMES

November 15, 2007
One of the last photographs I took of my Father, as his grandson Justin Sheppard's him into my sisters new house; we had just arrived in South Carolina.

I love this image, as I do not like to do flash photography, and I got lucky here at 1/13th of a second - everything seems to show blur & movement, and my Father's face is really the only thing that's sharp, so I managed a really good capture.

...I call Cathay Pacific later this morning about getting a special berievement fare back to the Philippines, within the next few days.